These Phrases given by A Father Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up among men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - spending a few days overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."